I started my self-taught art journey with watercolor in the beginning of 2020. After a ton of research, I got myself a student watercolor set from Windsor & Newton, a pack of Prismacolor watercolor pencils, and 4 good brushes. I followed Youtube tutorials and Domestika courses and fell completely in love. Once I had a decent grasp of watercolor, I transitioned to gouache and later acrylic. I don't use watercolor much anymore, but it'll always have a special place in my heart.
Big Brain was the first illustration I felt truly proud of. My first "holy shit I made that" moment. I had just started taking my practice seriously. I had been practicing with loose florals, but wanted to work on getting more precise and intentional with the medium. This was also the first time I'd embraced my tongue-in-cheek sense of humor in my work. Big Brain is 2020 Doodle in a nutshell: insanely overwhelmed by how much they were learning, but still excited and hungry for more.
Rainbow Jelly was created in a completely opposite space from Big Brain. My life basically fell apart in April 2021. I moved from Michigan back to Oklahoma to escape a physically abusive husband with no idea of what I was going to do. I embraced abstract and interpretive art as a way to cope. I remember throwing paint at the paper angrily and thinking "what a waste, that's way more than I needed, that's gonna turn out muddy". I set it outside to dry and walked away feeling just as frustrated as when I started. When I came back, I was surprised to see beautiful and vibrant colors. I stared at it for a while before I saw the jellyfish. I'd been looking for tiny details and shapes. This piece is a personal reminder to broaden my perspective and trust the process.
In Hiding is a representation of myself in 2022. I was fully hiding from the consequences of my previous marriage. Past due bills, negligent tenants, and an impending foreclosure. I held onto the belief that "it can't hurt me if I can't see it" with every ounce of delusion I could muster. And honestly, everything worked out pretty okay. I probably wouldn't advise younger me to do anything differently. But I remember how heavy the shame felt around that freeze response. I'm still learning to face certain problems with courage.. I still have head-in-the-sand moments. But it's easier to allow the instinct and trust that it won't last forever. There's less shame now and I'm grateful for that.